Sunday, 8 December 2013

This Week



This week seems to have went on forever and has been really difficult for a number of reasons, so much so that I am out of words. I'm not sure I even know what I want to say never mind how to say it so I'm going to borrow the words of others in my current time of blankness.

"My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations." 
John Green - The Fault in Our Stars

People say that bad luck comes in threes but I'm telling you I'm probably closer to thirty-three lots of bad luck in the last 6-8 weeks. I'm just starting to wonder when on earth this streak is going to end, I'm hoping for a positive start to the new year because my little head is a bit crushed by it all at the minute. When I say I have no words at the moment I think it's because my brain is having a hard job processing everything that is going on at the moment. My head is worried about friends struggling with mental health problems who are just generally feeling life to be an upward struggle at the moment. The other half of my head is sad, I go to a lovely close knit church with my mam and this week an amazing woman, Christine, died; it came as a shock to everyone and her family are in my prayers at such a difficult time, especially how close it is to Christmas. I thought I'd share with you the bible verse from today's service, which seems appropriate in troubling times:

"Suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us."
Romans 5:3-5

My head is trying to make sense of so many things that it is actually making sense of nothing which, as a writer, I find very difficult. Usually I understand things or if I don't I can write for a bit and find the answers but as I said, I've got very little words of expression at the moment. At this time of year I am normally well into the Christmas spirit, my spirit normally starts in September! But this year I feel a little bit cut off from things and don't really feel like involving myself in much at all. Yes, I am still seeing my friends and going to work but it all feels like going through the motions and the fact that I can't actually explain this properly makes everything just hard.

“Did you ever walk through a room that's packed with people, and feel so lonely you can hardly take the next step?” 
Jodi Picoult - Second Glance

So, when you're dashing around in a blur of Christmas cheer this festive season spare a few moments to think about those who won't have quite as smooth a time this year. Those of you who fall into this category, you have my prayers. God bless.

"We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken."
John Green - Looking for Alaska

Hannah x


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