Friday, 19 December 2014

New Woman before New Year


I don't like to make resolutions at New Year because I always thought I was setting myself up for failure. I've always wanted to be the kind of girl that owns loud clothing and wouldn't think twice about wearing an entirely sequin dress to a party. I wanted to be a person that could accept a compliment and be unapologetically themselves. To put it bluntly I have had zero self-confidence my whole life, I have 16 years of school and university reports that read "Hannah needs to have more confidence in her abilities". I can count on one had the number of things I have failed over the years so my lack of confidence in my abilities has been somewhat irrational, either way it is a thing.

Friday 19th December 2014, age 20 I have achieved the confidence in my abilities after struggling on for SIXTEEN YEARS. Well, I have proof of it. I received my first ever report that didn't read "Hannah needs to have more confidence in her abilities". Proof is a big thing to me, I find it difficult to believe something unless I have some degree of proof. Be it exam results or in this case a report. I could have cried I was that happy, I will definitely be buying myself a congrats present and potentially framing said report.

Don't get me wrong, this new found confidence is still a little bit fragile. I don't wake up every morning thinking I do all things well, some days I still think I'm absolutely terrible at my job and life in general but my word I am a thousand times better than I was this time last year. In all honesty a year ago I was a complete wreck when it came to social situations, I was forever uptight and thought that everything I did was wrong. Getting some degree of confidence was such hard work, I haven't had such brain ache since I tried to do A Level Chemistry. I have spent the last six months challenging every negative thought that popped into my mind, given all of my years of practice at putting myself down that is quite a feat.

The point of this blog post was not to be all "look how great I'm doing". The point is that there is so much hope for everyone else who like me has had a life of no self-confidence. It's never too late to be who you want to be, every minute of every day brings with it opportunities to make baby steps towards change. In terms of things to give you a helping hand, I'd recommend Dr Melanie Fennell's self-help book Overcoming Low Self Esteem.

I have faith in each and every one of you!

Hannah x


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